my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize