: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize