How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
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It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
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girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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