So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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