ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize