What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
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Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
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He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
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