You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
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He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize