I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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