My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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