Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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