im having a threesome with these popsicles
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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