Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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