Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
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We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize