The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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