Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
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St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
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No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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