I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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