Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize