So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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