I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
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he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
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There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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