i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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