you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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