I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
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next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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