My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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