I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
