i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
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You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
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the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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