I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
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Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
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it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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