sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
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Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
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Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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