Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize