I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
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Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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