I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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