I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize