Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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