theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize