I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize