you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
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I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
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I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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