it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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