My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
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I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
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I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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