I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
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I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize