His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize