shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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