This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
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Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
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I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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