we made out on top of his cat.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
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So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
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In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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