don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
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Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
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My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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