I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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