Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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