I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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