After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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