the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize