i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
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I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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