Jerry, you need to find god
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize