Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
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Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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